13 Misconceptions About Chastity Debunked

There are many misguided narratives about chastity that make people doubt its applicability and relevance in this day and age. Oftentimes, people have resorted to shaming others and instilling fear through misleading information about sexual purity. It’s time we debunk some of the most common myths about this noble virtue.

Misconception #1: Being celibate is the magic key to finding the right spouse

Celibacy is a lifestyle. It’s what God wants for His people. It’s not some magic trick you pull for God to send the perfect spouse. It’s not bribing God with “good behaviour,” hoping He’ll repay you. This is a way of life. It’s how God expects us to live. God’s love for us is the driving force behind living according to His will.

But because most people use sexual purity as a ticket to marriage, then hell breaks loose when they fail to get married at the time they thought they should be getting married. They blame God for failing them. And then decide to do things on their own. When they fail at it—which they inevitably will. They blame God for letting them down. But the truth is all along, the goal was not God. God was a means to an end.

Others use chastity as the yardstick to measure compatibility. While this is a good starting point, not everyone practising celibacy like you is a good fit for you. You need discernment.

Living a celibate lifestyle is not so that you can preserve yourself for marriage. What happens if you never get married? The goal is to live a life that’s pleasing to God. You surrender to God’s plan about your sexuality. The reason you are here is to know God, serve Him and love Him. Your intimacy with God drives you to strive towards holiness.

Misconception #2: Sexual purity is only for the singles

Conversations about sexual purity are mostly centred around singles. And it makes sense for the obvious reason that they’re single. However, the gift of chastity is for everyone. It doesn’t matter your status in life. This is a virtue that all of us must practice. Married people are called to only offer themselves to their spouses in marriage and observe celibacy in countenance when required.  And, of course, the religious also practice chastity.

Misconception #3: Your body will “forget” how to respond to sex

This is a ridiculous allegation for people who are hell-bent on staying in sexual sin. Sex is a basic instinct given the biology of human sexuality. It’s impossible for your body not to respond to sexual pleasure when you finally settle into holy matrimony. Stop with the excuses and do what you have to do.

Misconception #4: You won’t find an equally yoked partner for marriage

This is one of the many strategies of the enemy to keep you in the bondage of lust. The notion that no woman or man is a virgin or who’s turned from fornication and become chaste for Christ has made many succumb to the fear that if they choose celibacy, they’ll stay single past marriageable age or worse for life.

The irony is that the bondage of lust that the enemy is promising success has you going in cycles for decades with nothing to show for it except pain. The fruits speak for themselves: fear, anxiety, trust issues, spiritual spouses, stagnation, diseases, and children out of wedlock, to mention a few.

Refute the lie because there are Catholics who’ve embraced being chaste. There’s a revival in the church, and people are turning away from their sinful ways to seek the face of God. You can be one of them.

Trust God in your singlehood. He knows what’s right for you, and when the time is right, you’ll meet the person He has set aside for you since the beginning of time. Chaste for Christ meet-up brings together Catholics who’ve chosen to serve God in sexual purity to lift each other in prayer and hopefully meet their life partners.

Misconception #5: It’s impossible to remain pure in this day and age.

This myth picks from #4 we’ve just addressed. Those who believe it’s impossible to be chaste have bought the lie that there’s no one practising this old age, backward virtue fashioned to keep you from enjoying your God-given desires. 

Fornication has been sanitized to seem glossy and the way of life. Going against this norm makes you become the odd one out. In fact, virgin shaming is a thing. In the instances where you’ve turned from sexual sin, people will ridicule you that you’re now damaged goods. Hence, the reason you’re rectifying your ways. For some reason, others think it’s a tragedy to choose such a life. But in reality, you and I know we are missing out on nothing. The price of sexual immorality is far too high.

Living a chaste life is possible if you make deliberate choices every day. There are many people already doing this. You don’t know about it because your environment, family, friends, and media are determined to keep you in bondage.

Misconception #6: God isn’t that serious about sexual purity. He gave us sexual desires.

The argument that because we are sexual beings means we can use our sexuality as we please is yet another weapon fashioned against your freedom.  If He isn’t serious, why is the consequence eternal damnation?

Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites. (1 Corinthians 6:9)

This is just one verse among the many that rebuke sexual sin. If you choose to continue in immorality, know that God has already worn about it.

Misconception #7: You won’t know if you’re compatible with someone if you don’t “test drive” first.

First of all, sex is not a taste for compatibility. You’d know that if you’ve ever been in a relationship and it didn’t work even though sex was part of the package.

The problem with the test drive culture is that it nullifies God’s work. When God had created everything including the first humans, He looked at it and said it was good. Now, you, the creature, is saying that what God did wasn’t good and you want to try it to confirm. You’re delusional! The many or few you’ve tasted and found that you were sexually compatible with, how’s the going so far?

If you believe that relationship and sex are synonymous, you’ve been shortchanged. Think again. Sex is the reason most relationships don’t work in the first place. It clogs your mind that you can’t see people for who they are. It’s challenging to create authentic friendships, ask tough questions, and honestly deduce if the person aligns with your beliefs, values, goals, aspirations, purpose, etc., once you’ve given yourself to them.

Misconception #8: No one is perfect. So, there’s no need to try. You’ll ultimately fail.

If that’s the case, there wouldn’t be any point in trying anything in life. It’s all a risk. Should you sit back and continue in the downward spiral even though it’s leading you to self-destruction just because people have failed at it or you’ve failed at it severally? No!

Though the just fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble from only one mishap. (Proverbs 24:16)

Failure is not a reason to stop trying. If you want to, you’ll do it. Don’t blame your hardened heart on other peoples’ failure. Stop with the excuses, deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Jesus Christ. There are no shortcuts.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Misconception #9: There’s nothing wrong with fornication if your end goal is marriage.

If you’ll get married anyway, how about you get married now and then quench the desires of the flesh in the marriage? Many people will object to this idea. Why? They’re looking for shortcuts. “Fun” without responsibility. Plus, they know for a fact that the only thing leading them to the other person is lust. They’ll never perceive them as a marriageable partner, even if they were the only two people left on earth. 

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you discern the right partner if you want marriage. Attend pre-cana, get the sacrament of holy matrimony and commit to the church teachings about marriage. Indulging in sexual pleasure in the pretence that that’s your life partner, yet the one thing that God asks you to do you’re disobeying is hypocrisy.

Misconception #10: If you’ve had sex before marriage, you’re damaged goods.

There are no prerequisites for choosing a chaste life. You might have fallen umpteenth time. Rise and try again. You might have had children with several baby mamas or multiple men. The gift of chastity is yours to open. The idea that you become damaged depending on the number of sexual partners you’ve had is not true. Yes! It’s sinful! And so is one sexual relation outside God’s design. But Jesus Christ calls all of us sinners to Him. 

Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

People may use your past against you. But it doesn’t matter. Once God forgives you, it’s done and dusted. It doesn’t matter what we think.

For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more. (Hebrews 8:12)

The naysayers’ goal is to water down your efforts. Make you feel worth less and ultimately trap you in the very thing you are running from. It won’t be worth a penny! Walk away from everyone selling you the lie that your past defines your present or future.

Do not be led astray: "Bad company corrupts good morals." Become sober as you ought and stop sinning. For some have no knowledge of God; I say this to your shame. (1 Corinthians 15:33-34)

Misconception #11: Some patriarchs in the Bible had many wives, and God was okay with them.

The Bible guides us on how to live a life that pleases God. It teaches, encourages, warns, etc. Most promiscuous men and women quote Solomon as their go-to inspiration. Yet Solomon advises:

Let your fountain be blessed and have the joy of the wife of your youth, your lovely hind, your graceful doe. Of whose love you will ever have your fill, and by her ardour always be intoxicated. Why then, my son, should you be intoxicated with a stranger and embrace another woman? Indeed, the ways of each person are plain to the LORD's sight; all their paths he surveys. (Proverbs 5: 18-21)

The verses preceding this one warn against sexual immorality and its consequences. Yes! Solomon was the wisest, but because of lust, he hipped for himself hundreds of women who made him turn his heart against the God of Israel. God was angry with Solomon. His lust led to the destruction of Israel. 

Misconception #12: You must be a virgin to practice chastity

We thank God for the people who’ve preserved their virginity all through their lives. A truly heroic sign. But virginity is not a condition for a chaste life. Everyone is called to live in chastity. The majority that followed the wind and fell knee-deep into immorality are equally called to surrender their sexuality to our Lord Jesus to restore them. No matter your state in life, being chaste is a life you should embrace

Misconception #13: Women are the gatekeepers of sexual purity

Satan is a liar. To skew God’s plan for the family, he went after the foundation of the family unit, men. Meticulously perpetuated the notion that their worth is in how much they earn or have. The narrative compounded material worth to the number of women they’ve had. As it’s true of his deceptive nature, he labelled such men “high-value” to make it a desirable trait among men and women.

Thus, sexual immorality is a plus to a man but a minus to a woman. It’s only women who are required to maintain sexual purity, but men can indulge because they have a stronger sex drive. And, of course, they are men. Despite this flawed worldly perspective, the word of God is very clear:

For the grace of God has appeared, saving ALL and training us to reject godless ways and worldly desires and to live temperately, justly, and devoutly in this age. (Titus 2:11-12)

All of us are called to flee sexual immorality, whether male or female.

Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

Say YES to God

As it is said, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." (Hebrews 3:15)