The first question that comes to mind is why are you not married then? An even better question: If your goal is marriage, what are you doing between the sheets? The reality is that fornication under the guise of preparation for marriage is a deception—both to yourself and your partner. It disregards God’s plan for holy matrimony and replaces it with a counterfeit bond built on lust rather than love.
That each of you knows how to acquire a wife for himself in holiness and honour, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles who do not know God; not to take advantage of or exploit a brother in this matter, for the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you before and solemnly affirmed. For God did not call us to impurity but to holiness. Therefore, whoever disregards this disregards not a human being but God, who [also] gives his holy Spirit to you.-1 Thessalonians 4:4-8
Jesus described Satan as the “father of lies” (John 8:44), and one of his most pervasive lies is that sin is harmless when it appears well-intentioned. The truth is that sexual sin, even under the pretence of future marriage, compromises the foundation of trust and purity that God intended for your relationship.
The truth about fornication and commitment
One common justification for fornication is the claim that couples are “getting to know each other” or “testing compatibility” before marriage. But if this were indeed the case, why resort to sexual intimacy? Does intimacy equate to love or commitment?
The idea of sex before marriage is a dangerous trap. In truth, this behaviour often reflects a reluctance to fully commit to the responsibilities of marriage. Sex outside of marriage becomes a way to enjoy the benefits of intimacy without the accountability and sacrifice that comes with a lifelong partnership.
Secondly, people generally prefer the “easy way out.” They don’t want to do the hard work of healing inner wounds, scouting for the right partner, learning about their partner and finally following the right protocol for marriage, all while involving God. Given how long and challenging this route may be, most would rather take the shortcut.
Finally, the lifetime commitment that comes with the covenant of holy matrimony is a no to many people. At the back of their mind, there’s always a possibility that it won’t work. And so, they’d rather have a “way out”. So, fornicating without commitment is the perfect tryout.
What’s the truth, though?
In its wisdom, the church has provided all it takes to solemnize marriages for everyone who desires holy matrimony. Pre-cana classes are free of charge and run throughout the year. Officiating marriage can be done during daily masses, which in most parishes is in the morning and evening. You can also choose to have yours on Sunday during holy mass. The church has gone further to offer mass weddings. How easy can it get?
The gowns, tuxedos, cake, and a huge guest list are all worldly standards that are geared to label holy matrimony unaffordable and continue to bind people in sexual bondage, living a non-sacramental life without any grace.
Others are deterred from holy matrimony because they aim to show how loved or rich they are. At the back of their mind, they have a list of friends, family members and strangers whose weddings they must surpass. They must make a statement and a name for themselves. Because of pride, they can’t settle for the modest opportunities the church offers to help congregants live sacramental lives.
A weekday morning Mass with your spouse, witnesses, and a priest is enough to receive the sacrament of holy matrimony. The emphasis is on the covenant you make before God, not on the extravagance of the event. So, if money or social expectations are holding you back, consider whether these obstacles are more about pride than practicality.
Please note that there is nothing wrong with celebrating love extravagantly. The only problem is that these desires can sometimes overshadow the true purpose of marriage: a holy union blessed by God.
Say no to the deceptions
God’s commandments are not suggestions or negotiable guidelines. They are instructions for living a holy and fulfilling life. God calls us to holiness, not impurity. Ignoring this call is not only a rejection of His will but also a refusal of His gift of grace.
